By Sadee Bee
The years have not been kind / each sunrise / sunset /
arduously pushing me along / I longed to slumber the years
away / to slip / into the sweet blackness of the abyss /
No afterlife / only quiet emptiness / peace /
The Maiden wore a cloak of melancholy / kept me company /
obscured my vision / from the years ahead of me /
Years I did not want / did not believe I would ever see /
Then the cloak of melancholy / finally slipped away //
So she silently / shrugged on the robe of apathy /
With her / existence / just was /
Alive but always a little numb / her company a waking slumber /
her hands / passed me little pills in many hues /
Only to dull the senses / to halt the tears /
to keep me moving / through a world that pained me so /
I saw the sunrise / and the sunset /
But felt no warmth / no meaning / from either /
While this Maiden did not bring me joy / she helped me
survive //
One morning / I rose with the sun /
felt its warmth on my skin / I saw her in the mirror /
Emerging from my widow’s peak / she wore the armor of gray /
There she was / Maiden of Gray /
of time / of ages / ending and beginning /
She smiled at me / offered her hand /
and whispered / I’m proud of you /
In that moment I felt joy / all those heavy years /
a weight finally lifted from my chest / O’, Maiden of Gray /
Despite all that tried to keep me away / I made it to you /
Stay by my side / if only to remind me that I am still alive //
Sadee Bee spent her time creating her own stories both on paper and in life. Diagnosed in her early twenties with Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and C-PTSD; she spent a long time trying to make sense of her own world and mind. Poetry, personal essays, and occasionally fiction have been an outlet for heavy feelings and past traumas. Sadee uses her work to shine a light on the hidden parts of mental illness and the effects of childhood trauma. She also speaks about her specific experiences regarding trauma and mental illness as a Black, Queer woman in Black spaces.
