By Nat Raum
After “Hot Sugar” by Glass Animals and “Losers in the Tomb” by Boy Azooga
tell me, what’s a girlboy to do when all they have to do
is sit in their room and listen to synths in bisexual
lighting and cotton-blend boxer briefs, shades of royal
blue and fuschia that lighten by the minute until
they are baby-toned and perfectly trans. i slipped
into she/they for the first time when i finally took leave
from a set of cocktail shakers and perfectly proportioned
drink recipes, left with no recurring thoughts
except how gay i suddenly feel in their absence.
tell me why i needed no world but my own to know
for sure i have no gender, no context but the one
i created lounging alone on watercolored sheets
between four white walls while there is a virus looming
outside. i’ll tell you i’m looking forward to thriving.
i’ll tell you i needed it, this self-determined rebirth
in the middle of my life, the comfort of this particular void.
Nat Raum (b. 1996) is a disabled artist, writer, and genderless disaster from Baltimore, MD. They’re a current MFA candidate and also the editor-in-chief of fifth wheel press. Past publishers of their work include Delicate Friend, Corporeal Lit, and ANMLY. Find them online: natraum.com/links.
