by Richard Stevenson
Some say El Cucuy’s just
a Lone Star State folk tale
designed to scare children
into quick, quiet compliance.
A back-of-the-closet or
under-the-bed uber booger
who loves totally misbehaving
scrumptious, luscious little kids.
Has a well-worn, great-for-radio face,
leathery and brown as a well-worn saddle,
sad soulful downturned eyes,
but he’s got outsized incisors too!
Can shape shift into a wolf
as it quivers in a green mist
at the foot of yer bed
or fen or forest, wherever yer led…
Loves kid giblets barbecued
or highly seasoned in a stew.
Loves their scrumptious plump little
limbs and bums. Slowly roasted or filleted.
Mmm. Little bite-size toes and fingers —
good for dipping in a dried tomato sauce
or a saucey salsa. Mmmm. Yum yum.
Good with a little telly, a good horror movie…
He may seem completely guileless —
at first. Just a grey-haired duffer,
maybe a little scruffy, down on his luck.
A cut above a dumpster diver. Has some pride —
if not a set of clean clothes
and a little limpy ‘n’ gimpy
in a taped-over set of hard-toed boots.
Just indisposed. Snotty but composed —
One of those. You wanna grab for a wallet
To fend him off rather than assail yer nostrils
or singe yer eyebrows in his fiery breath.
A get-thee-hence — to your epoch or fen type.
But, no, he’s got you penned —
is elderly and defenceless, you assume.
Is gonna lay a boney finger on and waylay you
with a tale of his own. Go ahead and groan.
Sooner or later he’s gonna salivate
and get that white goo in the corners
of his inner tube lips. He’s gonna blubber
something about summer and upset yer pegs.
Ain’t always in the closet or under the bed.
Could be pushin’ a shopping cart instead.
Watch for the red eyes that don’t mean stop.
They mean dinner. Steak and kidney giblets.
Yer on the menu, son.
If yer a sinner then get it straight:
yer a scrumptious reprobate.
Yer the steak tar tar. The I-can’t-wait-
deep-six-tube-steak date
with Hairy Houdini here.
Can’t you see him droolin’ and winkin’?
He’s got a choice spot in his plot for you!
Richard Stevenson retired from a thirty-year gig teaching English and Creative Writing courses for Lethbridge College in 2015. He is the author of thirty-two books and holds a Masters in Creative Writing from the University of British Columbia (1984) and an honours Bachelor’s degree in English (1974) and Diploma in Secondary Education (English, 1977) from the University of Victoria.
